There are different kinds of trauma, but the trauma focused here is the trauma of simply breathing. The breathing this is happening by whoever is reading this has trauma, somewhere. To make it less personal, all living beings have trauma somewhere. The moment our bodies popped out of our mothers, there was trauma. Trauma.
Trauma, all this trauma, all this unconscious wounded sense of self, all of it, a dent in the psyche, energy stored in the organs, in the body, memory, psychosomatic memory, everything is remembered in the body. The cells carry the weight of the past.
The cells carry the weight of what it was when and whatever it was when is stored in cellular-memory and it becomes part of the defining congruency of who you are, of who we are, of what life is known as.
Trauma is not personal because we are alive. The imprint of a dent in the body, wherever, specifically wherever it is, is also the source of its manifestation in our psyche. Our awareness is conditioned by the lack of circulation in cellular memory, in memory that has been traumatized..
There are blockages to what can be dealt with, there are blockages in awareness reflected in the body.
Is it possible you could remember your birth?
Not visual memory by memory, but by kinesthetic imprint, by sequence of kinesthetic imprint? And its psychic implications in awareness; the actual emotion, the actual intensity of that moment/s, the actual sense of what was happening?
Trauma we all have it.
And how it is stored in cellular memory is how it is attached to cellular function. The imprint the cell has endured is only a learned memory, is only what it learned to know, but it indeed is malleable. Cellular storage of trauma can be released, and cellular function can circulate differently. Trauma can release and cells can learn new ways of inhabiting energy.
At first we don’t know this. At first we don’t know that everything that we are reading is colored by our perception as the result of unacknowledged trauma, and this filter caused by the imprint of unreleased cellular indentation is reflecting the result of meaning that we’d prefer to understand. Our understanding is relatively conditioned by unexperienced trauma stored in our cellular memory, and this storage of trauma is attachment.
It is attachment. Stored trauma as cellular (known) functionality is attached to what cellular functionality knows itself as capable of being. This translates into our psyche as part of our unconscious identity, as part of how we know ourselves to be who we are, and this interpretation of how we know ourselves, is conditioned only by the lack of having experienced the trauma stored in the body. As a whole, having not experienced stored trauma in the body, the result of it in our psychology, is our identity, is, how we know who we think we are. How we know who we think we are can’t completely be explained, there is some mystery, what we can’t explain about ourselves is what is unconsciously stored in the body and therefore in our awareness; and our identity is the attachment to who we think we are, and if anything interferes with our coping strategies then our identity is threatened.
Who we think we are is a story; it is trauma attached to our cellular functionality. Who we think we are is the make-up of many components interpreting components interpreting components, a large knotted mass of clotted energy. Who we think we are, is a factor in the result of trauma, stored in the body, attached to cellular functionality, playing itself out through the conditions of our psychology.
Our psychology; our identity; our identity; our psychology. Our system is constantly trying to make sense of itself, due in part to trauma, due in part to the lack of functional cellular energy flow from the storage of traumatic imprint; everything is trying to figure out everything, through interpretive techniques, comparison, justifying, reasoning, etcetera. We are a story.
And a story has a moral and the moral is in service to the allegiance of not experiencing itself for what it is, trauma. Stored energy in the body that makes up our identity, and what trauma characteristically manifests as, in our psychology, is a system of defense against anything that would undermine the narrative of our lives, the narrative of what makes me, me.
And the 3 most basic ways our trauma manifests itself through our identity can be characterized by:
As long as there is stored trauma in the cells of our body, attached to cellular functionality, affecting our psychology and awareness, these 3 most basic characteristic manifestations of trauma, (coping mechanisms), become the defining components of how we function in daily-life, alone, with others, and in society—at every turn we are alive.
Ignorance is the basis for the other two characteristics of manifested trauma in our psychology. It is unconscious: it does not know what it does not know until it does know what it does know, and it can’t help that. It has made blank over suffering. There simply is a wall of white-noise, of static, of zero information about what to do or how to do it, what to say or how to behave, there is a guessing game, there is an ability to run away from everything, there is what has been taught through culture and family heritage as our known reference point, meanwhile we simply don’t know how we would behave, how we naturally would if we didn’t try to. Ignorance subsists on denial, on lying, on turning our backs on important situations, on diminishing the imperative of a moment, of shutting-down, turning-off, blocking-out, ignoring pain, ignoring suffering, ignoring what can’t be figured out, ignoring what terrifies us; forgetting.
Positivity. Positivity is a characteristic of trauma manifesting itself when, all we do is look at baby-photos, become sentimental, nostalgic, thinking of the good-old-days, and then, how to make things better. How to have more, how to live-forever, how to always have a good time, where the party never stops, and every moment is full of affection and sugar. Positivity is a large stuffed animal that we want to hold wherever we go, we always want the joy of the comfort of exciting new experiences. Positivity over-stuffs pain, crowds out suffering, it over-looks the reality of ignorance by providing a moment with another new toy, another game, another distraction; a distraction based in over-indulgence of using time to fulfill pleasure receptors until we are too tired and only want to sleep ensuring there is zero room to look at our suffering.
Aggression. Aggression is a characteristic of trauma manifesting itself when we feel frustrated, annoyed, hit-a-wall, feel over-powered, silenced, misunderstood, angry. Aggression wants nothing more than to stamp out a threat. On a more basic level, aggression is immediate reactivity; immediately not providing space for the natural flow of a conversation, of shutting down anything and everything that feels discomforting. Aggression wants to be justified in pain, it wants to point blame at outer circumstances, to never take responsibility for itself, to ward off suffering, stamp it out, destroy it, eradicate suffering from the face of the planet.
If you are reading this you have all 3 of these basic manifesting characteristics of trauma. It would be impossible as a living being not to.
So what can we do about all this?
Well what we can do is through time learn to see how our identities are a result of trauma stored in the body and reflected in awareness, and to do that, we must learn to abide in engaging zero activity but observing and breathing.
As we slow down and connect with ourselves on a moment by moment basis we can make penetrating insights into how our identities are fabricating realities through thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and fantasies.
As we learn to do nothing, we also learn to not engage the desired behavior of what we ordinarily would do when we had a certain thought or feeling. And in so doing, we don’t reify identity.
Do this long enough and cellular memory simply can’t handle it, simply because, by doing nothing but breathing and observing the mind and its manifestations of thoughts and feelings, we work the cells to do something different than what they are familiar with and what gives their state of trauma perpetual self-fulfilling destiny.
We literally exhaust habituated cellular functionality until their attached informational imprint dies, which is the result of having not suppressed or acted out behaviors associated with our identities. Our identities being, the result of the construct created by the 3 manifesting characteristics of trauma, we abandon our attachments by not fulfilling the preferences of our suffering.
We literally exhaust habituated cellular functionality by doing nothing.
When we abandon the behaviors of acting out or suppressing the manifesting characteristics of trauma, as they occur, our narrative and the result of our identity in that moment, and the conditions of our perceptions, transform.
And in so doing we learn to abandon our attachments to our identities, to who we think we are, and we experience something else, something cellular memory thought was impossible.
Cellular functionality as it knew its job to be, exhausts.
Simply not acting out or suppressing the manifesting characteristics of trauma causes our cells to experience something different than what they have been familiar with, and when this occurs we experience catharsis, a release of energy, a sense of surrender, a sense of psychological dismantling.
Our psychologies need to dismantle through abiding in abandoning our trauma attached cells by simply being with our own suffering. And in so doing, we transform.
During such transformation, we human beings fulfill, what it is to be alive.