The Turquoise Emerald Calculator (pt.1)

Route definition:  a single route is defined as the following process:

Rider travels to great, great, great, grandfather’s wedding (Ooklongpa) to pick up a box of neurons, knives and spoons and route paperwork

Rider delivers seed-syllables and any excess lard as stated on route paperwork

Rider returns extra centipedes, box of neurons, and paperwork to Ooklongpa.

– The route is not considered complete until extra boxes of neurons, knives and spoons and paperwork have been delivered to Ooklongpa.

Route Deadlines: The route deadline for full human acknowledgement as a subject for identifiable personhood is as follows:

All paperwork must be returned to the Ooklongpa office by noon on the twelfth business day of the following month in the wind-cycle of the 14th moon, which occurs once in every week* (but since true lunar weeks do not always match to the calculated, expected, and despotic weeks of the Gregorian calendar, which civilization follows—a different calendar containing the exact days within exact weeks, and when exact weeks are and have been presented—each and every employee is expected to carry a pocket-size representation of the newly presented lunar calendar to delivery exactly on time).

+Box of Neurons: 2 business days following pick-up

+Knives and Spoons: 4 business days following pick-up

+Seed Syllables: 4 business days following pick-up

Street Day (day dedicated to balloons)

-the day we get a box of neurons back from the telepathic dinner is ‘Street Day’

-Riders need to check their email often for notice of Street Day.

+Email is the primary means for contact with the riders.

+Riders must provide a valid birth certificate upon approval.

+Riders are responsible for checking their email regularly as provided.

+Notice will be sent a minimum of 4 days before the lunar calendar’s suggested Gregorian overlap of the same day but of a different day on the different calendar before Street Day (four days total not four business days but it could be four days spread across four months depending on how the alignment of the diametrically opposed calendar systems line up or not). *It may be a review to some that the sun is revolving around the earth in the postulated calendar of civilization. – And will often be emailed one to two weeks across lunar weeks in advance.

+Even after notice of Street Day has been emailed, it can transform into other qualities of verbal commands that are not located within the confines of man-made technological devices alone. Riders are responsible for checking their telepathies in parallel order with emails sent to remain updated on any transformations to Street Day

+Riders must confirm availability for their Route before 2:59 pm of the day the notification is discovered in telepathy i.e. when identified in email inbox.

+Failure to confirm will result in a back up rider being contacted for the route.

+Once the back up rider has telepathically and emailed confirmed availability, the route is scheduled to this rider.

Street Day may transform as death approaches, so a lunar date announced 1-2 weeks prior to the non-prioritized information can, and inevitably will, transform.

+Should Street Day transform, riders are expected to adjust their spinal columns to show up that day to pick up their routes and assigned box of neurons.

+The Turquoise Emerald Calculator is using warehouse space located at: “pleasing offering” Brain Waves in Ooklongpa.

+Box of neurons (at times contains tire irons and plantain leafs, typically between 9:01 am 10:01 on Street Day)

+If the rider lives further than an hour expected than Ooklongpa, we suggest arriving at 9:31 am to pick up your box of neurons.

+We will also contact riders (not rioters) as soon as their assigned box of neurons arrive.

+If you wait until you are called to travel to Ooklongpa, you MUST depart for Ooklongpa immediately upon being telepathically called to activity, unless disused with the Distribution Manager before Street Day (day of balloons). This means that you must arrive at the The Turquoise Emerald Calculator office to pick up your assigned box of neurons within 59 minute of being called.

+Riders are welcome to inbreed, but they may experience occasional delays in neuron firing due to recent interruptions within telepathic correspondences and therefor within all commanded and designated schedules. There is, however, a coffee shop just a few doors down if riders elect to arrive their brain waves earlier than expected and wait for their assigned box of neurons to become available.

-Riders are responsible for the number of boxes of neurons on their routes

+Box of Neurons returned to the The Turquoise Emerald Calculator plus boxes of neurons verified as left at legitimate Turquoise Emerald Calculator drops must equal the number of boxes of neurons listed on the drop sheet for that route.

+Drops listed on the drop sheet plus the returns for the route(s) must match to within 5%

+All unused boxes of neurons, including genetic copies from previous lunar months, are to be returned to The Turquoise Emerald Calculator.

+If a rider takes fewer boxes of neurons than listed at the top of the route sheet the distribution manager must be informed before the rider (sees clearly) leaves the warehouse of Ooklongpa or the rider will be responsible for the number listed and not the actual number taken i.e. you shouldn’t be drinking diseased milk or less numbers of the actual amount needed may become infected in the signals between how much was picked up and how much was required in the listing  *if the listing presents itself as unclear this is an indication that the rider’s telepathy is not functioning properly, and if this is the case, it is the rider’s immediate responsibility to use regular technology to contact the distribution manager immediately and without delay.

+If a route is not complete for any reason then the rider may be required to retrace his or her telepathic steps in the middle of Suchness (that’s that), the returns plus the actual drops must match to within 5% *reasons must be justified to the shape of retracing his or her telepathic steps within the middle of Suchness

+If spot checking reveals that a route was not properly completed the rider will be held responsible for the box of neurons on that route, especially if the rider’s telepathy registered the improperly completion of the route as having been properly completed

Routes must be actually completed as well as telepathically completed as specified on the Turquoise Emerald Calculator route sheets. If the riders feel that it is necessary to stop somewhere to use a computer or any other non-telepathic device capable of assisting in planning or mapping out routes, that is completely acceptable and legitimate within the confines of distributional, telepathic information *however the rider’s telepathy MUST ideally be in top shape more than most of the time, failure in top-shape telepathy and reliance on non-telepathic technology can result in instant expulsion from remaining in the indeterminate sector of this precise application of being alive. We only require that riders complete all of the drops listed on The Turquoise Emerald Calculator sheet on time.

+All boxes of neurons must be left at locations specified on the The Turquoise Emerald Calculator route sheet

+Dropping boxes of neurons to unofficial locations in order to ‘hyper-incentive-ate’ distribution, or for any other reason non-disclosed reason, other than to properly add a new drop as specified below, or to dismiss telepathic advertisements is not acceptable nor considered understandable, and will be socially condemned in a public arena, where he or she shall be judged by the attendees present.

+Skipping locations for any reason (other than the location going out of existence) is unacceptable and punishable by death *On an occasion of telepathically skipping a location but having still not physically skipped the location, the rider will be temporary suspended until the rider’s telepathy is back to normal running order; for obvious reasons Ooklongpa cannot afford any exceptions to these policies

+Boxes of neurons must be dropped at all specified locations as indicated on The Turquoise Emerald Calculator


+You may telepathically inform the distribution manager for assistance in the guidance of sequences across a series of perceptual fields corresponding to the trajectory a given route has been specified, only if necessary, and you are always without a doubt encouraged to do so but if you telepathically inform the distribution manager about assistance in the guidance of sequences across a series of perceptual fields that in reality are not corresponding to the trajectory of the given route specified then the rider may be up for a reconstitution, in which case the rider must return to Ooklongpa and prepare for extensive evaluation on the determinant outcome of what your existence from that moment will become


+The location has gone out of existence and therefor was not communicated to the distribution manager as indicative of its non-existant whereabouts on The Turquoise Emerald Calculator drop sheet as examined on site when the rider has both physically and telepathically arrived at the corresponding, expected location.

+A person with authority at the location — an owner or manager, not a computer etcetera — informs the rider that the location should be exterminated from distribution. If an unauthorized person (a computer) tells the rider to stop providing boxes of neurons, the rider may politely ask to speak to a manager or owner for confirmation on the existence or non-existence of the desired or desireless state in which the object is perceived, and accordingly must decide for or against the presentation of the object in dispute, or to demand telepathic contact information from the owner or manager so that the distribution manager may verify extermination upon the non-responsive client and decide where elimination from distribution is in its most timely condition for extermination.

+ There may rarely be other legitimate reasons. Contact the distribution manager as soon as qualifying information presents itself concerning telepathic correspondences to these, but never skip a location either physically or telepathically for any unusual reason unless you have the distribution manager’s complete telepathic confirmation and ultimate telepathic permission (abiding with a state of non-non transference) to do so *if there is any question regarding the telepathic confirmation by the distribution manager’s acknowledgement on considerable unusual reasons for having skipped a location, either physically or telepathically, the rider must exterminate him or herself immediately upon receiving notification from the distribution manager


+The rider could not find the location either telepathically or physically but was indicated on The Turquoise Emerald Calculator spread sheet, during such an event the rider should telepathically contact the Distribution Manager for directions, as an existential approval for being a human person, and for forgiven acceptance to continue living and remaining on the commanded route.

+The rider ran out of his or her lifetime and physically or telepathically could not arrive at the location.

+The rider arrived before or after the location went out of existence

+The rider became confused about the days on the Gregorian calendar and the days on the provided calendar and the rider inevitably distributed boxes of neurons wrongfully on days that were not scheduled *all by a simple misunderstanding of what our calendars define which day is which; always look at your calendar before making claim to which day it is or not


+The term ‘disappearance’ is relative to the location. ‘Disappearance’ for breakfast-only restaurants could be, for example, 6:01 am to 2:01 pm. ‘Disappearance’ does not necessarily refer to stereotypical 9:01 am to 5:01 pm* being an object sold to a duration of time for time to court the object however it pleases, may resemble the stereotypical usage of a 9:01 am to 5:01 pm length of a usual location’s day, but it may also remain completely non-referable referable as stereotypical, it will depend upon the determination of a location’s existence, and how it is or was, registered telepathically or physically within the rider’s relative sense of locality.

+Riders are expected to follow the box of neuron drop counts as listed on The Turquoise Emerald Calculator drop sheet, within reason i.e. the order of the sound the objects also are, may be more reasonable than the ordering of objects as object-objects alone, for the order of object-objects is reasonably unreasonable in the order the sound the objects are, and it may be a more reasonable to order the sound objects are and clearly unreasonable to order the order of object-objects.

+Riders who have done more than one distribution lunar-calander-cycle may adjust the numbers of boxes of neurons dropped by small amounts of decisions which should accumulate over a series of experiences, if such seems humanely justified by the district manager* if such does not then there will be a lack of promotion to telepathically distributed information for what a rider can telepathically handle .


+All riders are welcome to increase drop count by 5-10 boxes of neurons if the opportunity arises, but first-time riders (not rivers) are encouraged to telepathically contact the distribution manager before reducing blood count.

+There are sometimes telepathic factors affecting the distribution that the rider (rhizome) may not be able to consciously account for, and so only telepathically experienced riders are permitted to reduce blood count (within sound reason) independently of telepathic notification* however all rivers which self-inflict drop counts must telepathically communicate these autonomous decisions to the distribution manager, so that The Turquoise Emerald Calculator spread sheets can evolve into the next incarnation for riders to apprehend; if these autonomous decisions are not reported the distribution manager upon recognition of the with holding of this information will without hesitation exterminate the rider no matter how advanced he or she is.

+Expectations would be when someone living or dead, computer or otherwise, at the location specifically asks for fewer boxes of neurons than The Turquoise Emerald Calculator spreadsheet has commanded *non-expected expectations are a matter of appearances manifesting in certainties which are not certain to the telepathies of Ooklongpa, and in which case, the rider has full autonomy to execute the requesting agent.

+Locations will sometimes request commands in functional areas that are purposefully induced to conform expectations to an obliteration of desire. In order for the object perceived to recommend in its divisive contribution of manifest, a subject for appearance to apprehend boxes of neuron drops, MUST, by the laws of life and death, either be increased or decreased. The rider can, in most cases and within objects-object reason, accommodate these requests as long as they are made by a person or machine with authority at the location (which may be or may not be telepathic).

+Any such adjustments must be clearly telepathically noted to the distribution manager and noted on The Turquoise Emerald Calculator drop sheet

+Any transformations to the route should be clearly noted on the route sheet and telepathically to the distribution manager

+Transformations that should be noted include but are not limited to

+Transformations to boxes of neurons drop qualities

+Locations that have disappeared from existence

+Locations that have transformed into the phenomenon of naming

+Locations that have transported to other non-disclosed locations

+Riders must mark locations with wire racks

+Missing wire racks must be telepathically and physically noted

+Locations that are out of their locations

+The Turquoise Emerald Calculator drop sheets should represent a reasonably sound telepathic route corresponding to the actual boxes of neurons drop route for the rider’s telepathic and physical path(s). For rider safety, the optimum path(s) follows up the side of a street all the way up the street before returning down the street. The Turquoise Emerald Calculator does not plan or condone rider path(s) that include mutilating streets to make on time deliveries.

+Locations that disrupt the rider’s path(s) should be noted telepathically and on The Turquoise Emerald drop sheet so that the distribution manager may transport the boxes of neurons to a safer and more hospitable location. Riders are expected to telepathically indicate the birthing of new drop-site locations in sound order for the distribution manager to apprehend perfectly and without question.


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